Is It Love or a Habit ?

Several days ago I was in line at the store when I over heard one side of a phone conversation . The person on my side of the phone was in a heated discussion over a relationship that apparently needed some reevaluation . As the talker went on about this wrong, that wrong and some advice they had been given one sentence stuck out to me . Apparently someone who had already heard or witnessed all this relationships ups and downs posed the question , "Is this love or a habit ?" . I couldn't tell you a thing about anything else that happened while I was in the store that day because as soon as I heard that phrase I started repeating it over and over in my head . Is this love or is it a habit ? It was such a good question to ask someone ! It also is such a good question to ask in many varied situations . Is it love or is it a habit ? Is this love or is it a habit ? Do you love him or is he a habit ? Do you love her or is she a habit ? Do you feel your church is where you should be or has it become a habit ? Do you contribute to your friendships or have they become a habit ? Do you love your job or is it a habit ?

bing dictionary - hab·it [ hábbit ] 

1. regularly repeated behavior pattern: an action or pattern of behavior that is repeated so often that it becomes typical of somebody, although he or she may be unaware of it
2. attitude: somebody's attitude or general disposition
3. addiction: an addiction to a drug

Have you ever driven somewhere so absent minded that when you arrived you wonder how you got there ? I feel like this question goes with that action . Is it love or habit ?  The phone person seemed on a mission so I didn't get to hear their answer to the question . They pushed their buggy along to the next section of the store leaving me to wonder . As I finished my shopping and walked to my car I kept asking myself the question as it pertained to so many things in my life . Do I do my devo's because of my love or because it's a habit ? Do I care for my dog because I care for him or because it's become a habit ? If it's because it's a habit , is that exactly a bad habit to have ? Does the answer being, "because it's a habit" mean that somethings wrong , unhealthy , or any other negative notion ? No .

I find it interesting that one of the definitions for habit is addiction . Addiction is a negative notion. I'm unsure I've ever heard it used in a positive way . Even when I hear , "I'm addicted to working out" I think, oh no they can't enjoy anything because they're consumed by calorie intake vs. burn . I think when it comes to relationships this can be a very fitting definition . We find ourselves unknowingly addicted . A relationship no matter it's title has the ability to become a habit if we let it . A relationship that becomes a habit is to me a negative notion . This may have been the case for the person on the phone , I'll never know, but I'll forever be grateful for this anonymous advice giver for their pearls of wisdom !!

I plan to pose the question , "Is it love or a habit?" to several things in my life . If it isn't love , it should probably be dismissed . Right ? What does this question make you feel ? Does it bring a particular person , situation , or "habit" to mind ? Does it cause you to reevaluate anything ?

Freedom Set Before My Eyes

" I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away;

 It shall not fasten its grip on me. " Psalm 101:3

 

I've seen and heard this verse many times . A friends home even had a small wooden plaque in front of their TV with this verse . I never thought about it too much , but at the same time thought it was a good place to have it . This weekend was a "watchathon" weekend for certain cable subscribers . It meant that you could watch a variety of programs that aren't normally available with out some sort of subscription . After multiple awards shows , entertainment news reports and written articles I had become curious about several shows . Especially when they are boasted in having writers that are a "voice of a generation" . After a bit of what I now classify as traumatic television programming all I can say is SWEET HEAVEN THIS BETTER NOT BE THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION !!!! If it truly is meant to be a representation of me, my peers and others in our vicinity then we are in some sort of trouble and those of us that disagree with that particular voice need to speak louder . 

 

I text a friend in the midst of a episode FYI-ing her to not fall into the hype by watching or even entertaining the idea of watching some of these programs . I'll take a hit for the team, satisfy all our curiosity and now begin therapy because of it . A mere five minutes passed and I had heard more swearing than perhaps even a rated R movie would have . I won't discuss all the other disgusting images and phrases that I became immediately assaulted by . I joked to my friend that I'll be watching Gilmore Girls for the next several weeks in order to even begin to attempt to undo the damage . I wasn't joking . I immediately put in Season 5 of Gilmore Girls . While it may not boast the cookie cutter family morals most desire it sure is better than some . There's no swearing at least !! I may even need to find some sort of cartoon to watch .  How is it that multi-educated (perhaps a word I just made up meaning folks with more than one degree) people write a script for a thirty minute show where the majority of the dialogue is four letter words ?! Must we speak like inmates ? Based on some of the dialogue on these programs I can only assume that the writer attained their multiple degree's in PRISON !!! I'm not proclaiming a swear has never fallen from my lips . By no means .  I understand that for many the inappropriateness of a swear is defined by your culture and geographic region not your education or religion . I also understand that sometimes we just feel like there is no other word to express our strong feelings . I don't understand when those strong words express even our slightest feelings . As I turned off this programing the first thing that came to my mind was Psalm 101:3 . I instantly realized the importance of this verse . Our brains cannot undo something once it's done . How many of us twenty years later speak often of something that happened as a child that forever changed us ? The same is true of the things we put before our eyes . I am guilty of sitting through movies, television shows and even music that is less than edifying and has probably planted a seed I'll never be able to get rid of . It reaffirms to me that these "things" have the ability to grip us into not turning the channel , station or stepping out of the theater . Why do we find it "acceptable" to put such degrading , painful , discouraging things before our eyes as if it's suppose to be there ? Sin nature ? A debate for another time .

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that today , on Easter , I'm sitting here thinking about my freedom . Freedom as a Christian . The cost of that freedom and how I have a choice each and every moment of each and every day as to what I will do with that freedom . I am forgiven ! So, even if I don't turn the channel I would still be free and forgiven!! I have the power to embrace Psalm 101:3 and turn off the t.v. , radio, put down the magazine , book , or to walk out of the movie theater . I have the ability to step away from a conversation that is full of words and sentiments I don't prefer or that weigh me down . While many will find themselves bound to the idea of this world and the representation of it's people , I don't want too . If someone , something , somehow is proclaimed a voice for my generation and I disagree I will do my best to to be a even louder voice . It's part of my choice as one that lives free to speak loudly about not only the One that freed me , but the life that allows me !! I am free and that cost an awful lot .

 

" Live like free people, and do not use your freedom as an excuse for doing evil.

Instead, be God's servants. " 1 Peter 2:16

Bucket Lists

Today our town lost a family member . If you read or keep up with the news via USA Today , MSN , Knox News Sentinel , are linked to anyone in this small town or have even driven through it in the last week you are aware of the name Katelyn Norman . Katelyn is a 14 year old that found out her treatment for cancer was no longer working . After that kind of news I think most of us would simply hide away . Instead Katelyn made a bucket list which got her name, her disease and our small town on the radars of multiple media sources for the last week . Her bucket list and bright smile made a small town a community . Her story has reached so many people and touched them in so many ways that it's difficult to grasp the why of it all . I can't count the amount of times I've seen the phrase , "I don't know you , but........." , in the comment boxes of FB , posted news stories , etc . I too am one that did not have the pleasure of meeting this young lady in person, but I am touched and challenged by her life like so many others .

If you drive through our town you'll see green bows nearly everywhere , hung on store fronts , stop signs , all emergency vehicle antenna's , personal vehicles along with marquee's with words such as " pray for Katelyn" , " We're praying for the Norman family " & " We support Katelyn" . Her battle made this a town full of fighters . Tuesday many gathered to "light the night" on Katelyns behalf showing support for miles . When Katelyn couldn't attend her prom , number one on her bucket list , the town took the prom to her . There are photo's all over the web of her looking down from her hospital window to a group of people who did and didn't know her holding candles , signs , wearing green and singing for her . I can't imagine what her family feels . I won't even pretend to come close to the loss they feel right now . I would hope that somehow in some small way all the notes, texts , FB posts , etc. that they are receiving some how comfort them in this time . I would also hope they could find a peace in the inspiration that this young life has become to so many . I've seen multiple status', profile and cover photo's changed to green ribbons or phrases such as "Live Like Kate" .

Last night as I found myself praying for Katelyn and her family I too became inspired by her bright spirit . She didn't hide away in the face of impossible news , she made a bucket list of things to look forward too . She inspired countless people to move out of their comfort zones and to do things a little different for awhile . It got me thinking not only on my own bucket list , but on the question of why do we wait till it seems impossible to make a list of things we'd love to do with our lives , loved ones , and talents ? Katelyn did not get to complete her bucket list here on earth . I'm sure in the presence of Angels it's not much of a concern to her now .

What will it take for the rest of us to not just make a bucket list , but begin marking off the to-do's of our bucket list ? We make a retirement fund and when are old enough to use it most are too worn out to use it for anything it was originally meant it for . We save our vacation days , money , and special outfits for an occasion that we seem to only keep saving for instead of actually doing . I'm not by any means a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of person , but I keep thinking about a quote I heard while in college. Our Chancellor was known for controversy as much as he was anything else . He had received more than his share of threats . One particular week it had been the campus chatter that he'd received yet another and more serious one . I can't even recall the details now . That Wednesday he stood in chapel assuring us to not be concerned for him. I can't recall his exact words , but the statement was basically "Until God is threw with me I'm bulletproof " . We all laughed because he way with words was incomparable . It reassured us . Calmed us . Challenged us . Challenged me . I've never forgotten his sentiment that day and I'm reminded of it even more now . Until God is done with me I should live fearless . Why be afraid of tomorrow ? Why spend all my time watching the news and  just being told stories ? I need to be out making my own .

As I have the challenge of Katelyns bucket list and Dr. Falwells words on my mind today I want to begin thinking and writing a bucket list of my own . It isn't a formal "to-do" of things that I MUST mark off or else I won't feel as though I lived . It will simply be a reminder . A Challenge . With all the rough spots we face in life it will be one of the things I look forward too . What will you do today ? Tomorrow ? Are you fearless ? What might your bucket list look like ? Now's the time .

 

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

 

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" - Matthew 6:26

 

Now, this list may seem superficial to some , but to me it's things that at the moment seem impossible . I found in an old journal a written list of "Impossible Things" to God . I had followed the list with a statement similar too if it's Your will for me to.......then I need to see the following things happen in order to believe it . How brave am I to dare God ? LOL!! Well, as I look back on that list of "impossibles" I can say He marked through everyone . I stand amazed and yet I don't know why .

 

Stacie's Bucket List - In Progress....

I plan to add to and edit this list as I think of things .

 

- Spend a day writing in a Paris Cafe while enjoying coffee, macaroons

 and the sounds of people around me .

- Visit CoCo Chanels Apartment in Paris

- Attend a Christie's Auction

- Tell some one I love them....even if they don't love me back.

- Write for a magazine

- Make an article of clothing from the sketch & design down to the buttons

- Travel, Travel, Travel

- Volunteer (hospital, animal shelter , IDK)

- Visit Nate & Tricia in NC
- See C.Snow before she moves to Peru

 

 

 

 

Small Additions Big Change

I think we all go through a spring cleaning phase at some point in the year . I personally become overwhelmed when things are too much of a mess . However, the last two years I've had to learn to deal with that overwhelmed feeling . I haven't wanted to unpack every single box "just in case" . Also, I live in a space that was once someone else's . That said a lot of their belongings are still here . Which is fine and has actually come in handy now and then . Since I haven't wanted to unpack every single box but still wanted where I live to fill like home I hung photo's , art, mirrors , etc. different things that help make it feel more like my home . I also have had a desire to add in some long lost photo's into my decor . For example I found this awesome photo of my Papaw and I on a roller coaster . It had been in my old bedroom for years and I just forgot about it because I hadn't seen it in so long .

I have to say , I don't know too many folks that have that kind of memory with a grandparent . So, I'm super excited to display this one . My wall o'photo's is varied black frames . I've had this wall in different set ups in each place I've lived since I moved out on my own . Putting up these photo's in my current location definitely make me feel more settled . I didn't have to purchase a new frame for my new addition . One thing that I never throw away is picture frames . You never know when you'll need one for a gift or re purpose .

Another little addition was to my laundry room . It was small, but helpful since I hang several things to dry instead of machine drying them . In my last apartment I had multiple tension rods for curtains . I kept them all just in case and was glad to see that was a wise idea . I didn't get a good pic because frankly my laundry room is too much of a mess for photo's in my opinion . There is a shelf above my washer and dryer so I placed the tension rod just a bit below and out from that shelf . Adding just the space I needed to hang empty hangers so there always there when I'm taking clothes out of the dryer . Also allowing me wonderful space to hang sweaters , pants , etc .

I think it's really wonderful how something small can make such a big difference in your living space . Have you doing anything new or creative in your home lately ?

Free Ben & Jerry's

Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day is coming April 9th! We’ll be scooping out the funkiest, chunkiest flavors - for FREE - as a thank you for being such great fans. Mark your calendars!

When I did event planning for a university I had to get creative . I quickly realized it takes a low price to get the students to leave campus . Events like Ben & Jerry's free ice cream day are just the ticket to draw them out of their dorm rooms and into a night of fun . I often would search the city publications for events like this to publicize to our students . And lets be honest, for my friends and I as well . Several years ago a group of friends and I took part in the free cone day at Ben & Jerry's . That year it feel on the same day as Mellow Mushrooms anniversary . So, we went to Mellow Mushroom for free pizza and then because they happen to be neighbors free ice cream was brought to us for dessert !!! It was a super fun evening and it didn't cost a thing . It pays to check out what is happening in your neighborhood . You never know when two awesome events could fall on the same day and create a free evening out for you and some friends . I hope to be near a Ben & Jerry's this April 9th to celebrate their awesome ice cream .

 

What will you find to do in the coming days that is low cost and high entertainment ?! Got any upcoming deals you'd like to share ?

Events by Stacie - A Shutterfly Project

                             Click here to view this photo book larger

   Shutterfly photo books are the new way to preserve your memories. Create your own today.

I have for a long time been a fan of scrap booking , photo's , and creative ways of displaying projects and fun memories . The Photo book is a perfect way to do just that . For five years I worked as a University event planner . In searching for a new job I found it hard to explain exactly what I did , was responsible for , and why I could be capable of much more . If someone hasn't attended one of my events or worked closely with me then it is truly difficult to just explain. So, I decided to show them . With products I already had on hand , photo's , along with printed out publicity material from past events I made a portfolio of sorts to take with me on  interviews . I have gotten so many compliments on it that I decided to take it a step further with a Shutterfly Photo book . I am feeling rather proud of this project and am excited to get it in hand and start showing it off .

If you are looking for a creative way to display your work or even just to take the cut and paste out of scrap booking the Shutterfly Photo book is the way to go . I made one for my Step-Dad for Christmas using recently taken family photo's . Shutterfly also offers an amazing variety of products and projects to display your memories . As I wrote here , I was able to use a coupon to make a friend a wonderful Shutterfly magnet . With Shutterfly coupons , discount codes , reasonable prices , and endless creative options they've been a great place for me to make personalized cards , magnets, and now photo books . I'm looking forward to what other creative ideas they may spark for me . I received a coupon at a check out lane for another free magnet and I already have ideas for what I might do with it .   I have written again and again how a thoughtful and personalized gift is far better than an expensive gift. With Shutterfly coupons, discounts and  low prices they make it easy to give something cost efficient and worthy of the name Keep Sake .

If you aren't signed up to Shutterfly you can do so by clicking here  http://www.shutterfly.com/ .

Also be sure to Like them on Facebook  http://www.facebook.com/shutterfly?fref=ts so that you can take advantage of wonderful free codes , discounts and more .

What creative things have you been into lately ?

Crackers & Jam

You may find yourself asking , "did she just blog about crackers ?" after reading this post . Yes, she did .Crackers and itunes.  I often write about bargains, coupons , get more for less and getting the most from your buck . This little addition is no different and just as fabulous !!! I wrote here about programs such as My Coke Rewards ,&  Kellogg's Family Rewards where when you purchase their brand items you accumulate "points" that can later be traded in for "rewards" at no extra cost to you . I have been a member of My Coke Rewards for awhile now and it has come in handy so many times . I struggle with the idea of paying for a magazine subscription now that I have these points . I even was able to use points to give magazine subscriptions to several friends for Christmas . It was a wonderful surprise for them and a gift that they will receive 12 times in a year . At least !

Well, today the fun bonus is brought to us by Kellogg's . Certain Kellogg products such as Keebler Club Crackers not only come with a Kellogg Family Reward point code inside, but also a free itunes down load . If you are a music fan even 1/8th as much as I am this is a wonderful bonus/reward . I still received whatever points the box of crackers had been worth and get the itunes down load . I also have some yummy crackers for my soup and salad :-)

The boxes that have the bonus music download are marked on the front letting know which product comes with this fun extra . Again, I just reiterate the thought, if you're going to be spending several bucks on a product it's worth a glance at the packaging to see if it comes from a company that offers awards programs or a fun bonus .  This box of crackers for example my box of crackers may have cost a little over $2.00 . I got 1. the crackers 2. a itunes download that on it's own would've cost $1.29 + tx  & 3. the kellogs rewards points that will later go toward something else .

 Have you found any fun surprises in your couponing & bargaining .

Reading Material

It's been a kind of a busy ,out of the ordinary , stressful (I'm not sure what word I want to use to explain it) several weeks . I've been planning for Mamaw's 80th Bday , a few loved ones have been or still are in the hospital , I haven't been to the grocery store in awhile and Jack Davis just threw up on the carpet . Today was the first day that I didn't feel like I "need" to be anywhere and was able to just fold laundry , pick up dog toys (and throw up) , & cook a meal . I've got several blog topics in the works , but probably won't get to those for several days . Until then I don't want to leave you with out reading material . So, I want to recommend a few blogs I read just today.......

Some Nanny Diary Moments  via lifeinasuitcase25.blogspot.com/ 

Mommy Therapy from a awesome mommy kraigandashleigh.blogspot.com

Mommy Therapy 2 from another awesome mommysothecooksaid.blogspot.com

Husband/Daddy Perspective a year later from reecesblog.wordpress.com

 

 

 

Hope you're preparing for a relaxing weekend ! What have your last few weeks looked like ?

Dream a Little Dream

 

wikipedia.org - Dreams are successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.^[1] The content and purpose of dreams are not definitively understood, though they have been a topic of scientific speculation, as well as a subject of philosophical and religious interest, throughout recorded history. The scientific study of dreams is called oneirology. Scientists believe that, in addition to humans, birds and other mammals also dream.^[2] 

I have the unfortunate tendency of refusing to  intentionally dream due to the unlikely hood of a dream coming true . I'm not a life planner . I don't think things such as , "in five years from now I will be, have, etc." . I have lived life more in a "as it comes" type of philosophy . I figure , on expectations equal no disappointments . I'm not good with compliments and I may be the most difficult person to encourage . Not because I'm going Emo or anything, but because sometimes the bad is simply louder than the good . I think that has messed with my ability to dream . Lately, however , I've started thinking , why not ?! Why not go ahead and make a dream list ? If some dreams could come true these would be a few nice ones to live .

 

~ Go to Paris spend a day walking around , eating desserts , shopping and being amazed . Take a cooking class while in Paris and of course visit the Ifle Tower and see it sparkle at night . AND A MUST visit CoCo Channel's apartment....I'm unsure that's even possible .

~ Go wine tasting in Italy . Maybe even pull a Lucy and Ethel and stomp some grapes .

~ Drink tea in England and of course check out Buckingham Palace .

~ Walk the Irish country side . I think it'd be wonderful to do even on a rainy day . Probably fit in a visit to a local pub .

 



I'd love to go back to Africa and visit old friends . My time in Kenya was amazing . One thing I'd love to do again is another over night stay at Massai Mara . Where else do you hear lions and tigers as you sleep ?!

I'd love to spend some time on the West Coast . A trip to Seattle , land of Starbucks and Nirvana . A walk along the beach in Cali and lets be real..... I need to see Beverly Hills . I realize I'll never be able to afford one thing in the 90210 , but I just need to see the abundance of designer stores with my own eyes . Have a "Pretty Woman" moment , movie quote -  "big mistake. BIG mistake!" . I hope to return to NYC some time . I think the fall would be a lovely season to see in NYC  . See a broadway show , visit the Statue of Liberty , OBVIOUSLY see the building that represents the FRIENDS apartment and maybe a few other things .

I think my list is unending and going to be ever changing . But I believe it's a good idea to have a list even if these dreams never come true . My dreams of course involve more than travel , but I'm not ready to share those yet . What do you dream of ? Where have you gone that you'd like to return too ? If you could go anywhere where would it be ?

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams . "

 - Eleanor Roosevelt

Fairy Tale Princess Convicted of False Advertising

Cinderella - met a dude , danced for a night , ran away , lost her shoe and he spent the next day looking for her . Found her . Wait, spent the next day having other people look for her , they found her . Proposed . Got Married . The End .

Snow White - ran away from home , ate some bad fruit , took a wicked long nap , was awoken by a prince . Got Married . The End . Oh wait , lived with 7 men then ate bad fruit, nap, kiss, marriage .

Ariel - met a dude on the beach , gave away her voice to a lady octopus ,  hung out for days WITHOUT her ever speaking w actual words , some other stuff happens and then they get married . Oh, has a family full of fish people , stuff happens, they get married . The End.

Belle - crazy dad , loved to read , got traded to be a house "guest" , feel in love with a grizzly bear , gave him a make over after a kiss , wait, probably took acid because the dishes dance and sing . Tresspassed, found a wilting flower , gave him kiss , then got married . The End .

Jasmine - Well to do princess .Bored with wealth and beauty.  Dates a thief . Cleans him up , gets married , adopts pet monkey. The End.

Sleeping Beauty - cuts her self sewing , another wicked long nap , some dude finds her , kisses her , they get married. The End.

Disney Princes Version of a Mug Shot

(please note: if ever I am arrested I hope to come out with a mug

shot looking something like one of these)

If all it really took was napping , cutting yourself sewing and losing shoes.....I'd totally be married by now . I walk out of my shoes ALLLL THE TIME . Ask anyone who has been anywhere with me . It's probably that whole not speaking thing that gets me . BLAST! Anyway,  I mean , that's basically the long and short of it when it comes to fairy tales . I hate to sound like I've been drinking hateraide , but I think it's vital if a person ever plans to be in a real life relationship that the cataracts we get from watching "romance and love" in movies/TV be removed first . Don't go thinkin' I'm only calling out the animated . I have a few other "heroines" that I point the finger at and nearly throw the TV remote at every time I see them, such as "Serena Van der Woodsen" , "Carrie Bradshaw", and even my favorite TV mom "Lorielie Gilmore ". Each one is as crazy disfunctional as it could possibly get when it comes to relationships . I mean, for the love of all that is good and holy come on girls !!! Where is your self esteme , honesty and ability to learn from relationships past ?! With every one of their varied and multiple break downs over yet another relationship that went wrong I cringe . I realize these women are written and are for entertainment purposes , but success with a character more often than not comes because the audience identifies with them . Which tells me that there are many women just like these "characters" out there living similar situations and not just living them, but reliving them like it is how it's suppose to be . Probably not as many wearing designer clothes or working at a Inn and living in a wicked huge country home , but still . Chalk those diffreneces up to creative privlidges I suppose. Too many of us think that these type of written characters are examples of how we are suppose to be . In life and in love . In my opinion it couldn't be further from the truth . These are our cautionary tales.

I heard a guy once say that relationships rise and fall based on expectations . At the time I had no clue what he meant . I have since realized exactly what he meant . Girls have a tendancy to go into a relationship with one thought path and guys go in with another . Then at some point , for the lucky ones it happens early on for others much time is wasted, before the inevitable happens and one or both confess they want different things in life .

In my mind , this often comes from what we as females deam as how a relationship is "suppose" to go .What we think romance is suppose to look like . Most of our ideals it would seem come from what we see on TV and or in a movie instead of what we've seen in real life from our parents , grandparents, siblibings , friends and even our own relationships . These real life people are the relationships we need to be watching if we want a realistic point of view when it comes to love, romance or the lack there of . I was at one time surrounded by young ladies all in varied walks of life , back grounds , goals , etc . One thing they all seemed to have in common was their ideal of "romance"and "love" . I'm unsure I ever heard the phrase , "I want a relationship like (insert a real person here)" . It was instead , "Did you see (insert romcom here)? Oh wasn't it so romantic when (insert ubserd and unrealistic act of "romance" here)?". I'd see girls broken hearted because it's 1 a.m. and he didn't call before going to bed . I'd think , give the guy a break , he had ball practice at 6 a.m. classes from 8-4 , another practice , then went to his sucky part time job and then came back for a study group . He had lunch with you , he texted you as he could , and probably at this point is so exhausted by the thought of doing it all again tomorrow he has no words left . But yes, poor you . So sorry he didn't call and is instead making himself a better person . This the man that after a week you are sure you're going to marry .  Seriously !!! Or the girls who had the total opposite guy . He is at the dorm lobby at 7:45 a.m. to walk you to your first class even though his class isn't till 10. He meets you for lunch and sits at a table for two instead of a table full of guys from his floor . Walks you back to the dorm at the end of classes and comes back just a hour later to walk you to dinner . Valentines approaches , the guy makes you a card b/c lets face it he's a college kid with no money and yet your sad your roomate got flowers and you didn't then claiming he isn't thoughtful . On the real girls, it takes no thought to purchase roses and lots of thought (and bravery when you live in a guy dorm) to hand make a card .

My point , what are your expectations and where do they come from ? Yes, the fella's have a few skewed ideals as well . I'm not pinning it all on you sister ! Next time he points to a girl and says she's pretty , maybe you point to a guy and reply with he's rich . Just kidding . That's my at times uncontrolable smart mouth being at this time uncontrolable . What I am really saying is , give the guy a break . He isn't a movie man , he's a real life human . Imagine the things you struggle with and multiply it . I say that because the men have the added pressure of being a leader , in some circles anyway . They're expected to bring home the baccon , protect the home , be sensitive , thoughtful and apparently mind readers . Please tell me where , other than in a cartoon movie , you've seen a man easily be all those things with out struggle .

When I spend time with my married friends I try to give props to them both for the work they put into a relationship . I'm not sure I could do it if the roles reversed . It takes trust , faith , forgivness (sometimes on a daily basis) , patience , and so much more that the list could on for days to truly love . There may be moments of romance that resemble scenes from a movie , but the rest of it is a unscripted reality TV show . I'm more impressed and moved by the relationships I see in real life that struggle and still choose love than the ones I've seen in movies that "struggle" and still "choose" love . But , that's just me .

I hope that with a bit of humor and some truth I've caused you to give some thought to how you compare , judge and decide if someone is worthy of your heart . There are of course MANY other things to consider beyond the simple ideals of romance. I'll write on those another time . Consider this a Reality Check 101 blog post . If you have someone , find a way to encourage them . If you don't, continue watching and learning from those around you . Even if you plan to stay single there are lessons to be learned from married friends and family .