Thursday, August 11, 2011

Good Bye's, Good Luck's, and Until Next Time's........

As a few of you already know in March I gave my confirmation that I would not be returning to my ministry/job for the following school year. After MUCH prayer, thought, wisdom seeking, and crying I came to the realization that 5 years was a mighty long time to have lived, loved, survived and not slept in the RD (resident director) life. I adored every minute of what the Lord surprisingly called me to in the ministry of RD. I was blessed with a second job of Activities Director that I also couldn't have loved more. It was a perfect melding of my gifts, talents, and the things I enjoyed doing. When I first arrived at what is now my former job, I felt the Lord say 5 years. At the time it seemed so far off I just logged it in the furthest part of my mind and went about learning about all that I had just stepped into. Coming into that 5th year I heard with a loudness a reminder of God's word to me 5 years prior and I quickly understood. Most RD's do the job/ministry for 2 maybe 3 years and for a reason. It is a 24-7/365 job. You are ALWAYS on call, even when you are out of town. You live in the same building with them and share a campus and city. It is more that I could ever explain in a blog, but was something the Lord used to change me forever. The opportunity I had to love these girls and help them along the crazy roads of life was priceless. The times of prayer, brokenness, and victories was AMAZING!! But my time is done and I proudly pass the torch to one of my former RA's ( resident assistant) and close friend. I am excited to hear about what the Lord does next for the ladies of DeMoss Dorm.

This Summer the Lord allowed me a time of rest, something I was in extreme need of. I had been praying very specifically about the need I felt for rest, relaxation and recovery.  The life of  a RD will drain you to the max in every way. The Lord answered my prayers and provided a peaceful, quiet, and serenity filled escape for the summer. I was able to read, pray, journal, sit in nature ( if you see me you'll know I worshiped the sun a bit too much) , think, spend time with friends, and sleep!!! Sweet uninterrupted sleep!!! Oh how I have missed going to bed and being able to turn off my phone, not worry about an alarm, gun shot, or cowbell waking me. During this time I applied for jobs, went on MANY interviews, looked at apartments, town homes, and lofts. All with the desire in my heart that I would stay in Chattanooga for awhile longer. As the Lord blessed with job opportunities he did not bless me with a peace concerning it all. With every interview, application, and apartment I grew more and more anxious. I kept thinking there's something I'm missing. Something I haven't focused in on that He is trying to get me too. After, once again, MUCH MUCH prayer, thinking, wisdom seeking, crying and perhaps even gnashing of teeth it came to me. Home. A home I left so quickly after graduation and a home that it seems I may have spent a long time planning to leave and never return to as a resident. Not because there is or was anything wrong with it. I had a pretty awesome raising. It's just I had always thought once it's done, it's done. Off to new things. Never repeat the same thing twice. However, much to my dispute He let me know in no uncertain words, He wants me to go home. As I talked with my mom and cried some more it was clear. Clear as clear can be through a tear soaked face. Home. I'm going home. He wants me to go home. Once I "fought" it out with the Lord, I grabbed hold of the peace He had for me the entire time. So, in a few days I will be returning to the home town I came from. I can't believe it. I don't know at what point I will believe it. It is so not anything I would've chosen on my own. But that's where the peace lay, if I didn't plan it I can be sure He did. If I hadn't been so focused on what I wanted I may have gotten to this sooner. I am grateful for His patience with us, with me. I am oddly excited to see what He has for me back home. I keep thinking on the idea that I was in such a hurry to leave growing up that there was something I missed there. That this may be a new adventure in a old town with familiar faces. I am looking forward to catching up with friends that due to time and distance we lost touch. I'm hoping to be a help to my family. The family that continues to support me and my crazy life paths. The family that supported me taking a path that lead me away from them and is now leading me back. It's so amazing to look and see God's handy work. He is so good to us. I just feel so undeserving.

As I finish some business here in Chattanooga I keep thinking, I don't want to do good bye's. I only want until next time's. I was chatting with a friend the other night and nearly broke down on the phone just at the word "good-bye", the reality of what it means. I forced him to change the subject before I became a inconsolable pile of tears. Perhaps it's selfish, but I just can't do it. I'm not gonna pack my last hours with good-bye's. I want to have fun, enjoy and embrace these last days in this beautiful city with my beautiful friends. I want to laugh and enjoy all that the Lord has done in so many lives over this summer. I plan to return for many visits. I have a couple part time job's with local music companies that will hopefully have me in Chatt once a month or so. So, I find it totally legit to skip the "good-bye's" and fill in with the "see ya next time's" instead.

So, that's me. A little update. Perhaps unwanted. But I just wanted to speak to all that God has done. He is good and I know that when ALL else fails I can cling to His hands and He will lead me to what's next.....when it's time. I love all my Chattanooga family and there aren't words for how much I'm going to miss the day to day of life with you in, until next time.