Since my move home I have come to realize just how hilarious my family is. I have with out a doubt come to the conclusion that with out them I would have no sense of humor or comedic timing. I have been sharing with friends the side splitting conversations I have over heard from family since I got home. A few close friends have had the opportunity in years past to experience it for them selves. With the constant urging of two very close friends that might as well be sisters I have decided to start sharing the madness with the rest of you. Find comfort in the fact that yes, every family is crazy. But I find comfort in the fact that my family is crazy-funny.
Back ground info. I hail from a tiny town in East TN. I am a only child but with MANY close extended family members. Great Aunts/Uncles, cousins all the way down to the 10th cousin type of situation, have been apart of my upbringing. In the same way that one might experience with a aunt/uncle, brother sister. I was raised in a single parent home and would consider myself the quiet one of my family. For those of you that know me that will sound crazy, but gives you a good measuring stick for how I became who I am. Enjoy and feel free to LOL or ROTFL. For those of you that are abbreviation simple that means Laugh out Loud or roll on the floor laughing. Dana & Amber - I hope you are happy. If I get disowned I 'm coming to live with you. Jack Davis has his bag packed just in case.
I'll work on continually updating this until my family puts a hillbilly hit out on me. Decoded: A shot gun and a deep hole on some family owned property.
For the sake of those I love still loving me after reading this I'll keep it anonymous. You know who you are dear family. I love you!!
Conversations of a married couple:
Wife to Husband: If you ever open the door with out seeing who it is first and let some hoodlum in this house, I'll shoot you instead of him.
Child: Maybe I should confiscate your guns ?
Husband to Wife: I'd rather learn to cook then learn how to use the Internet.
Wife: You've been saying that since we got married. 60 years ago.
Wife: Honey are you helping clean up ?
Husband: No I'm taking these paper cups to use as spit cups for the ride home.
Wife: Are you watching Bonanza ?
Husband : No It isn't 3 o'clock yet.
Wife: Oh yea, it's a repeat at 2:30.
Child: Aren't they all repeats at this point ?
Things you hear at a family reunion.
Great Uncle at a family event: w/ guitar in hand - Anyone got a song on their heart ?
Cousin - Let's sing that Johnny Cash song about the man dying.
Great Aunt - Oh that's sad.
Cousin #2 - I'm concerned with what's on your heart.
Great Aunt: When I was growing up they told me peace signs where a sign of the devil.
Great Niece: I was told that too.....probably by you!!
Conversation on Road Trip:
Sister: My husband and son seem to have lost my daughter's dog, Pepper.
Sister #2: What kind of dog was pepper ?
Daughter no longer asleep in back seat of car : What do you mean WAS Pepper ?!!!
Sister: Thanks !
Conversations from a Funeral:
Daughter to Mother : I've already found several places I'd like to be laid to rest. I think if I don't choose the one near the house my husband won't visit me if I die first .
Cousin to Cousin : Remember when y'all baby sat me and left me on the toilet to go out side and smoke ? You knew I couldn't get down from there with out help .
Sister to Sister : That's a beautiful song . Who's singing ? Answer: You're daughter !
The Yankee's are coming! - Decoded: Northern family are on their way for a visit.
I'm going outside for some fresh air. - Decoded: I'm going to smoke.
Potluck dinner this year for the family reunion. - Decoded: You better bring most of the food cause I'm buying chicken.
I've been in the field rollin' the hay. -Decoded: I've been in the field rollin' a .......