Monday, May 8, 2017

~ Thank You from My Jaded Heart ~

It has happened several times in the last few months and I've meant to sit down and write this each time, but I allow myself to get distracted. Tonight however I gave JD his meds, took my meds, put the T.V. on mute and set out to write this quick thank you to a few people I don't even know. Several times in the last four or five months I have gone to pay for something and the person in front of me has already paid for me. Both times it was a stranger that I didn't even see the face of. So caught up in my own things I have no idea who to thank for such random, kind, generous, heaven sent, acts of kindness. It may have only been ten dollars this time, but to me that is a few gallons of gas, a bag of kibble for Jack Davis, Mothers Day Cards, or a Dr. visit payment. To me, it was no small thing. Both times it has been on a evening where I am feeling as though there is barely anything in my cup left to pour out. Both times I had been struggling to even go purchase the items purchased or just push it off till later. Both times the cashier was just as surprised, confused and touched as I was. Most recent when I asked the cashier "why?", he seemed as baffled as I was, unable to really make a complete sentence to answer me and staring somewhat completely confused at the receipt. Out of equal bafflement I say "thank you" to the cashier and move about my way.

What does it say about the state of my heart that I would be so taken aback by a strangers, random act of kindness?! Why am I so baffled by something we are all suppose to be doing every day? I try to perform random acts of kindness. I try to have intentional relationships. I try to give as much as I get and still, my heart and my mind are baffled by someone else sharing my heart on the matter by way of action. I always say that folks like to think that they are good in a emergency, but that you really never know until you are in one. I am guessing my new philosophy on the current state of my heart is similar. I didn't know how hurt, tired, hopeless and jaded my little heart was until someone did for me as I so desperately try to do for others. Does that make any sense? Am I even saying this right?

What does that say about my relationship with God? I've said it before that sometimes we get hung up on our abilities, opportunities, accomplishments, etc. and tend to live as if the Lord is lucky to have us out here doing things on His behalf. I mean what would He do with out me???!!! How egotistical are we??!!! or, am I, at least?! When what we should really be thinking is how lucky we are that the Lord would choose us, allow us, prepare us and provide for us to be out here doing things on His behalf. I suppose that's where my heart had gotten. Isn't the world so lucky to have me out here doing good deeds and loving on people?! I'm such a moron!!!

I am grateful that the Lord continues to allow me opportunities of ministry as I stumble through my journey here on Earth. I am grateful that the Lord continues to allow me to be ministered to, as I stumble through my journey here on Earth. What a privilege it is to be a child of His.

So, to the people who have surprised me with their generosity, kindness, and challenged me with their selflessness, thank you. Thank you for paying those two checks for me. You may never know what a blessing it was. Thank you for reminding me to pay it forward with no expectation. Thank you for remaining a stranger so that the act doesn't get broken down and questioned till there is nothing left of it, as my ridiculous human mind can tend to do.

I pray that the Lord uses my down moments, sick days, insecure days, missteps and at times cluelessness to bring Him glory, and to reflect His Love back to His children. I fear if He does not use those things then there will not be much of me left to use. If even it is my flaws that get them to You Lord, I will do my best to find contentment in being flawed.

I love y'all and am grateful for your friendship, love, and faithfulness to The Faith Journals. I started the blog to document my journey of faith. That should include the valleys as much as the mountain tops because with out one we do not have the other. Have a beautiful week loved ones!!! Pay it forward some day this week. You never know who is in desperate need of a surprise act of kindness.

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