My intentions for this blog have been fairly clear from the beginning, I think . I have wanted to be real and forthcoming with my every day walk of faith in life so that others may feel that they can be just as honest in theirs wherever they may be . My hope is that someone might read one of my blogs and feel a little less alone in their struggles, trials, victories, ideas so on and so forth .
In an effort to be consistent in this desire I feel a need to reach out for some answers , ideas , suggestions , inspiration or tips for a lack of a better word, from you my friends and readers . You span the globe and come from such varied walks of life . I always appreciate your kind words to me whether they come in a private message or a public post on my page . I appreciate your taking the time either way . For the sake of today's post and the idea that I may not be the only one struggling I'd appreciate your words to be in a public post if at all possible . If you aren't comfortable with that I still welcome your private messages as well .
For close to a month now I have been training, learning, and working a new job . I am unsure I have ever felt this consistently physically beat up by the end of a day . Yes, my work/ministry before was emotionally and spiritually draining, but it rarely gave me blisters . I have loved learning something new . It's been so long since something has been totally new to me that with each new experience and learning moment I feel like a more accomplished person . I always have in my mind that every experience has a purpose and that who knows where what I'm learning now might lead me . With that said, I have also faced some of the most physically difficult days since my days working concert production . The difference between my days now and my days in concert production are that in CP it was one day every several weeks or month that lasted for 18 hours or so that was physically demanding . Now, every day is physically demanding for about 8 hours in a row . There's a difference . Trust me ! That recovery time between concerts is worth it's weight in gold to me now that I don't have it . There have been nights or afternoons when I leave my current job and sob (ugly girl cry sob) the entire hour drive home . Asking God, "surely this isn't what You desire for Your daughter ? surely You do not find joy in this pain" . I have soaked my feet , put antibiotic on blisters , taken what feels like a bottles worth of some form of ache reliever , sought counsel , read His Word, prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed.......oh and prayed . With each new day there seems to be a brand new bundle of anxieties , stress , and multiple moments of , "this is it, I'm quitting. Right here . Right now." While I'm 100% sure my co-laborers would straight kill me if I put into action that thought, I am still tempted by it . Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for this job and learning experience . I realize what a blessing it is in today's economy to even have a job . I'm also blessed to work with mostly amazing individuals .
At the end of today I am sure that I must be under some sort of spiritual war fare . I officially am breaking up with today . It was yet another, "one of those days". If it wasn't one thing it was ten all at one time . Just to catch you up on the last few days, I have been sick for about 4 days w a nervous tummy/no appetite (lost 6lbs in 3 days, while I'm super o.k. w weight loss I doubt this is the best way to go about it), my father was scheduled for a heart procedure, and I made some difficult personal choices concerning who I spend my time with and how much . It is a no brainer to say that my heart is weary . Now, to brief you on today......I got to work earlier than needed (I had to wake at 5 a.m. and this doesn't make for a happy a.m.) , my schedule had been changed by an hour (which is how long it takes me to get there), had nearly every computer have some sort of break down , had multiple guests with poor attitudes , my lunch exploded in the microwave leaving me to spend half of my lunch time cleaning up the mess, snack machine wouldn't take my dollar for the bag of pretzels I was gonna force myself to eat just so I would have something in my tummy , the a/c went out in my car on my way home , and a blister burst....revealing another blister under it (gross I know, but it's the reality of my day) . That was just today . The last month has been FILLED with days such as this . I'm proud to report I didn't swear, hit someone , or quit before quitting time even after all these distresses . I have also yet to cry.....however the day is not over . So, we'll let that one sit for a while .
I battle with the idea that this is where I'm suppose to be . I know that I am currently in a situation where my every day actions , how I handle stress, the debacles of a day and the people around me speak loudly to those I work with and for . This is my first experience in a looooooooonggggggg time working "outside" " the ministry ' . I do my best to handle it all with grace and patience . However, when I get in my car and trek the hour back home , take the aspirin , soak my weary soles and begin crying out to God in my physical pain and selfish flesh, I can't help but question . Am I where I'm suppose to be ? If I was , wouldn't it be easier ? Why does everyone else SEEM to have it so easy ? Is God ignoring me ? What is wrong with my walk that this physical pain is needed ? Is this spiritual war fare ? Is it simply the devil trying to make me as uncomfortable as possible when I am exactly where I need to be ? Probably so, is more than likely the answer to that last question .
So, my question to you is how do you combat times of such war fare ? Would you agree that this possibly is war fare of some sort or do you see it differently ? Are there some "go-to" verses that you have stored up for such a time ? Can you recall times such as this where it seemed there was no light at the end of the tunnel ? How did you handle them and what did you learn in that time ?
I look forward to your feed back . Thank you for taking time to share in my "awful , no good , very bad day " . I appreciate this space we have together to share and be "real" . I prefer to think of it as being raw !! I don't want to be a constant complainer so, I'm gonna make it a very important "to-do" to write about how God has blessed me as well . Because He surely has sent blessings during this time to keep me going . I read a quote somewhere such as www.pinterest.com that said , "what if all you woke up with today was what you had thanked God for yesterday " , sobering thought .
Thank you for loving me as I am . Good days and Bad ones .